If you’ve found yourself Googling things like “my partner won’t go to couples therapy” or “he refuses therapy and I’m at my limit”, you’re not alone. Relationship struggles are incredibly common. What makes them feel so isolating is when one person is open to getting help, and the other… just isn’t.
So what can you do when your relationship clearly needs support, but your partner is resistant or flat-out refuses to attend couples counseling?
Let’s look at why this happens, what your real options are, and whether therapy is the only solution out there.
Why People Resist Couples Counselling
Whether it’s your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, or long-term partner, resistance to therapy is more common than you’d think. It usually comes from a few places:
- Fear of Blame or Judgment: They worry the therapist will take sides or make them the “bad guy.”
- Therapy Stigma: Some people still see therapy as something only “serious” or “broken” couples need.
- Denial: They may honestly believe there’s nothing wrong that needs fixing.
- Fear of Vulnerability: Talking about emotions in front of a stranger can feel overwhelming.
- Past Bad Experiences: One negative session with a therapist in the past can ruin their trust in the process.
Understanding what’s behind your partner’s resistance is the first step in knowing how to respond.
“We Need Help, But He Won’t Go” – What You Can Do
1. Don’t Try to Force It
Pushing someone into therapy almost never works. If they feel cornered, they’ll either shut down or actively resist the process.
Instead, focus on inviting them. Try saying something like:
“This isn’t about blaming anyone. I just want us to have a better way to understand each other.”
Or:
“Would you be open to just one session? No pressure after that.”
If the answer is still no, don’t panic. You still have other ways to move forward.
2. Try Individual Counseling on Your Own
This might feel unfair. Why should you go to therapy if they’re the one refusing help?
But the truth is, when one person shifts, the whole dynamic can change. Seeing a therapist yourself can help you:
- Process your own frustration or hurt
- Learn new ways to communicate
- Understand your triggers
- Decide what kind of relationship you actually want
Also, when your partner sees that therapy is helping you, it might make them more curious or open over time.
3. Look Into Therapy Alternatives
The idea of therapy can feel intimidating to some people. But there are other options that can help you work on your relationship without going to a traditional counseling office.
Here are some less-intimidating choices:
- A friendly, casual online AI chatbot like Jess
- Relationship Workshops: These feel more like guided learning than therapy.
- Online Programs or Courses: Structured lessons for couples can help with communication, intimacy, and more.
- Books and Workbooks: Try something like “Hold Me Tight” or “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.”
- Podcasts and Videos: Choose one to listen to together during a drive or while cooking.
- Relationship Coaching: Sometimes just calling it “coaching” instead of “therapy” lowers resistance.
All of these can help create positive change, especially if you approach them together.
If They Refuse Everything
There’s a difference between being hesitant and being completely closed off. If your partner:
- Blames you for every problem
- Refuses to take any responsibility
- Shuts down every time you try to talk
- Calls therapy a waste of time
…then you’re facing more than just therapy resistance. You’re dealing with a relationship where real growth might not be possible.
That’s a painful thing to admit, but it’s important information to have. You can’t change someone who refuses to meet you halfway.
Final Thoughts: You Can Still Make Progress Without Them
It’s heartbreaking when someone you love won’t work with you to fix the relationship. But their resistance doesn’t mean you’re stuck forever.
At therapynotforme, we believe that support and healing can come in many forms. Whether it’s tools, books, community, coaching, or your own personal growth, you don’t have to wait for someone else to change before you start creating change yourself.
